::NoT mE mOnDaY::

Welcome to another entertaining Not Me! Monday post, originally hosted by McMama, my all time favorite blogger. Ever.

Not me...

I so did not go out with my hubby, brother/sister-in-law and our friends on Saturday night and I definately did not have a teensy bit too much to drink.

Along the same line, that evening did not find me singing karaoke or flirting with a 60-something-year-old bartender in the hopes that I'd get a couple extra cherries in my drink. Nope, not me at all.

I swear I didn't spend almost an entire Sunday watching the Packers and Brewers games while dishes piled high in my sink and the bathroom begged to be cleaned. Eww, dirty. Not my style at all.

I guarantee I did not "throw a fit" when hubby suggested we flip our matress...and today my back is not sore because of said flipping.

Today, I am not going to treat myself to a delicious cappuccino or a chocolate chip muffin and I am also not going to skip out on work early tonight...just like I am not posting this from my desk. At work. Nope.

*Falling*

I LOVE FALL!

Can you believe Mark and I have been married for 11 months (tomorrow)? It's so strange for me to think of it that way. Yes, we've been married almost a year but we've been together for much longer.

Though we have our problems, it seems most days I find yet another reason why I love him. It's like I'm falling in love with him all over again! Awesome!

Just had to drop by and say that.

Through the View Finder

Sunset in a corn field

Trusty, Rusty Farm Truck

Posing?

Basketball - a staple at the Breckheimer Homestead.

Garden Goodies

Memories on the Farm

Have you ever been Hockneyized?

Let me just say that this must be a record - two posts in one day! Be sure to read my other, more serious post before enjoying this fun one.

So here's my question - have you ever been Hockneyized? No? You should try it. Go on! It's fun and you'll definately come up with some pretty unique creations!

Choices

Today I've been thinking about choices. There are so many in life.

We get the opportunity to choose a path for our future, choose to accept what fate hands us. We choose how we handle and react to stressful/happy/upsetting/disturbing situations. We are so lucky to have choices.

Lately I've been considering my choices more and more as a means to deal with my feelings. For instance when yesterday turned into a rather stressful and exhausting work day, I chose to think positively. I thought to myself, "This too shall pass. Tomorrow is another day." Good choice, I'd say as it helped me re-consider one particular stress and just get through it.

Later in the day, I was feeling rather cranky and lonely waiting for my husband to return home from coaching. When he strolled in at 11:30 p.m., instead of demanding an explanation for his tardiness and acting on my anger impulse, I chose to kiss him and ask how his day was. Another good choice.

This week as I contemplate our misfortune in having lost the opportunity to buy the house we so desperately want and lament the fact that after nearly six months of not trying to not get pregnant (more on this later), I have yet another choice to make.

I could feel sorry for myself. I could feel envious of every mother I see, every couple I know that is fortunate to have homes and families. I could wallow in self pity.

Or, I can choose to believe that fate will play it's hand and things will work out for us in the way they are meant to. I much rather prefer the later choice...it offers so much more to look forward to.

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Today marks six months of our not trying to not get pregnant. Long ago we decided not necessarily to "try" to get pregnant (meaning we wouldn't keep track of ovulation cycles) but we would no longer use "precautionary measures" to prevent a

I know there are lots of opinions out there on birth control, but I'm not trying to start a debate here. Each couple has their own views and are certainly entitled. I'm simple stating that we have been taking a sort of wait-and-see attitude toward pregnancy for the last few months.

It seemed like a good compromise because I really, really, really want to start a family and while Mark certainly wants kids he wasn't completely ready. Somehow, I'd convinced myself that it would just happen, without really having to try.

I know all the statistics. I know that some couples really struggle concieve and often surgery and fertility treatments are considered. I know all that and knew not to get my hopes up, but somehwere along the line those sneeky hopes jumped way up there. So, now I feel a bit disappointed when I realize each month that the hope wasn't realized.

Again, I think it's all about choices. For now I chose to be happy with our relationship. I chose to relish our time together and be happy to live in the moment. Because, hopefully (in the not too distant future) our time will be further divided by a blessed event.

Hope you all make good choices today and always remember "things look much brighter in the morning."

Jinxed

Well it seems I've jinxed myself in writing this post as it turns out I've got an un-announcement to make.

Last week Mark and I were very excited, after more than six months of searching, to find a wonderful house that we immediately fell in love with. We toured the home three times last week before deciding to call the realtor and meet with her Sunday to put in an offer.

We've been through this before and knew that we could expect a counter offer, but we never dreamed that the current homeowners would be unwilling to budge even a measly $100 from their asking price! We were shocked to see the counter offer was dollar for dollar, their asking price!

We counter offered their counter offer with a number that was a teensy bit higher than our original offer and the homeowner rejected that one too.

This is so very disappointing as I feel this was our last chance, before winter, to find a home. I'm also upset because I know that the homeowner has already taken a job in a city more than an hour away from ours and he is currently shuttling his family between two homes.

I suspect that he must have a high mortgage to pay as well as rent in the apartment they're staying in and gas money to drive back and forth between the two properties...I guess what I'm saying is that I'll be praying for them.

I hope that they find something that works for them and whether they decide to re-consider our offer or not, I hope they find a buyer for their house. I hope and pray too that we will find a place to call our own. I want so badly to move forward from this "rut" we seem to be in.

Sigh. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. In any case, praying for God's wisdom...hoping He'll show us the direction we need to go. All in His plan.

Not me! Monday

McMama, over at one of my favorite blogs has challenged her readers to do a "Not me! Monday" post. Go on over to her site to read more about it.

Here's my Not Me! Monday list:

Last weekend I did not bake a pan of brownies and then proceed to eat an entire row while standing at my kitchen counter. Nope, not me.

I also did not yell at a bunch of hooligan teenagers who were screaming outside my bedroom window at 1 a.m. because that would mean I'm a crazy person. And I'm not. Ok?

This morning I did not hit the snooze button three times and I did not stroll (rush) into my office at 8:04 a.m. I didn't. Really.

I am not, at this very moment, writing this post while I'm supposed to be working and I am definitely not drinking a Wild Cherry Pepsi because it is not 10:48 a.m.

Tonight I will not leave work early to make sure I'm home to catch a new episode of Jon&Kate + Eight because, of course, I am not addicted to that show.

Your turn! Send me a comment so I'll know to check out your "Not Me!" Monday post...how fun!

Nervous

Today I am nervous. My nervousness is evident by all I've accomplished today: swept and scrubbed the kitchen floor, put away two loads of laundry, washed/dried/sorted one more load of laundry, made a lasagna and a pan of brownies, dusted the entire apartment, made the bed, and washed the dishes and it's only 10:27 a.m.

I'm nervous because in a few short hours we have an appointment with someone who could potentially change our lives. Not one to count my chickens before they've hatched, I will leave you dear blogger friends guessing until I'm ready to make an announcement about the source of my nervousness.

Maybe you're able to guess, maybe you only think you're able to guess...in any case have you enjoyed my over-usage of italics in this post? I hope so.

Look for an announcement (hopefully) by the end of this week. In the mean time pray that everything works out and that I won't drive myself nuts with all this nervous energy!

The best babysitter in the whole wide world...

...that's me! Heard those words last night from my sweet nephew. Really, how could I not have loads of fun when I love these kids so much?



Though the evening was fun, it was also a bit hectic. It all started with a favor to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law who are celebrating their 11th wedding anniversary. They simply wanted a night by themselves to go out to eat and relax. Fine. I volunteered to watch their four kids, who just happen to be some of my favorite kids in the whole wide world.

That promise turned into a bit more than I bargained for when they asked me to be at the house by 3:30 p.m. I got there and learned that two of the kids my sister-in-law babysits for (in her home) would not be picked up until 4:30 p.m. Yikes! That meant I spent an entire hour with six kids ages 8, 6, 5, 3, almost 3, and 18 months.

Factor in that three of those kids had just gotten off the bus and were huuuuuuuuungry. Those same three kids also had homework and parent reading time that needed to be taken care. The younger three insisted on climbing on the table, climbing on the kitchen island, climbing onto the back of the reclining chair, climbing the staircase banister and well, basically climbing anything they deemed climb-able.

I quickly set to work tossing school shoes and backpacks into piles, dishing out brownies, apples, and popcorn (they didn't get all three, just a choice), removing climbers from their climbing objects and filling sippy cups and glasses with milk. Whew! I was warm and cranky and overwhelmed.

I nearly cried out with relief when two of the climbers were picked up by their respective parents, leaving me with just one climber (my adorable Godson) and three hungry, just home from school, needing homework done kids.

We quickly did Trent's homework (a worksheet and some reading) and I whipped out my special weapon - Spiderman/Batman/Transformers coloring sheets I'd printed from my home computer. The three boys happily painted/colored/markered their coloring sheets while I encouraged Olivia to begin her homework while I started making Mac & Cheese for supper. The kids ate and the boys were ushered off to their playroom so I could get some quality homework time in with Olivia, who seems to struggle with math and reading.

About 45 minutes later her homework was done (3 relatively easy worksheets that she claimed were pure torture to complete). I let her start painting her coloring sheet (a butterfly to match her bedroom theme) while the boys and I alternated playing Hi-Ho-Cherry-o, watching Free Willy II and wrestling (ouch).

Finally, I managed to get the older three to take showers while convincing almost 3-year old Jade that he should definitely go potty before bed. They were all tucked in, hugged and kissed by 8 p.m. I picked up the mess we'd made, gazed lovingly at the masterpieces they'd created and quickly decided that while I might be the best babysitter in the whole wide world...I really needed a nap!

Things I could have blogged about and reasons why I didn't...

Wow. A week is waaaaaaay too long to go without posting, but I have a good reason for my absence. Sort of.

Ok in the last week I could have blogged about the two houses we've looked at, one of which seems like a very good prospect. I didn't blog about it because since then we've spend countless hours pouring over our finances and discussing (arguing) the pros and cons.

I could have also blogged about the debate my parents, brother and I had regarding our views on the current presidential candidates. I didn't blog about this debate because I fear the post would exceed four pages in length if I were to attempt to share my political views.

In hindsight, I could have blogged about the Saturday morning I spent rushing from one outdoor event to the other for work while the sky drizzled on my poor, unprepared head. I chose not to blog about this because...well, it's just depressing. Seriously, almost an entire Saturday spent working. I'd rather not relive that.

I also could have blogged about our dear nephew's fifth birthday party, held Saturday night. I could have written about the delicious treasure-chest themed cake, the way his face lit up at the sight of his presents and the sweet thank you he screamed in my ear as he hugged me. I didn't write a post about that event because my loving husband, who happens to be the dear child's Godfather, chose to give this 5-year old a light up, sound enhanced squirt gun. I couldn't bear to post about the aftermath of an energetic boy armed with a squirt gun in his parent's house. Nope, no post on that.

I could have blogged about my secret midnight snack of Doritos...but then I would have had to share how one especially crispy Doritos cracked my tooth. I chose not to share this post because it would have taken too much editing to bleep out my husband's foul mouth as he realized there would be yet another dental visit and dental bill in our future.

I also could have blogged about Tuesday's visit to the dentist and the excruciating pain involved in removing the broken part of said tooth. But there too, would be editing...this time on my part. So, no post on that.

I could have shared the fact that our wonderful dentist managed to patch together the tooth so as to allow me to wait until the first of the year (when our dental insurance is renewed) to receive a crown. I chose not to post that because my husband is still ticked at the situation and really, it's all my fault for creating a dental conspiracy. Best not to write of such things, thus my secrets be revealed.

So there you have it. The things I could have posted about and the reasons I didn't. Though I forgot to add one important reason as to my lack of blogging - laziness. Yup, that's right I've been just plain lazy...as evident by the state of our humble abode and the fact that the dishes and laundry have not been done in nearly four days. Yikes.

I'm off to create more fun adventures that I could blog about, but probably won't. Till then...

Fire, Fire, Fire!

I woke Sunday night around 11 p.m., a mere hour into my slumber, because I was hot and I heard rain. What I saw, when I got up to close the window was the start of a terrifying night. This is what I saw...





I screamed to wake Mark up and stood there sputtering, not knowing what to do while he calmly and rationally called 911 to report the fire raging in the barn across the street from our apartment. After making the call, we ran down to the parking lot to move our cars as ashes rained down around us.

We stood on the lawn (me with the camera in hand) with our neighbors for what seemed like hours until the local fire department arrived on scene. They could quickly see that the building was going to be a total loss, so they set to work watering down the surrounding buildings and homes to make sure the flames didn't spread.

It was a nightmare. The fire was so hot that though it was only 40-degrees outside we all stood around in pj's - no coats or sweatshirts necessary. At one point I ran upstairs to make sure smoke wasn't getting in our apartment and decided to close our bedroom window, which was hot to the touch.

I had knots in my stomach...the worst, scariest feeling ever. Luckily the firefighters were efficient and brave though they had to deal with explosions (paint, fertilizers etc. were stored in the barn), sparks from electricity, and burn off from where a natural gas pipeline caught fire.

By 1 a.m. this is what the scene looked like....



After being interviewed by members of the fire department about what we'd seen (our call was the second one they'd received) we finally headed up to bed around 1:30 a.m. Several firetrucks and squad cars were parked on the road near our bedroom window, however making it difficult to sleep. The fire department finally left around 5:00 a.m.

Mark got up at 5:15 a.m. for work and I got up at around 6:30 a.m. The area was still smoking a bit in the morning...



Let me tell you, we are very thankful to live in a city with a very dedicated group of volunteer firefighters on hand. If the wind had shifted or the weather had been different in any way, there could have been a much different outcome.

In other news, we're going to look at a house this evening and have a busy rest of the week and weekend ahead of us. I'll be sure to post...at least I'll try...ok, I'll think about posting. Till then...ciao!

Hmmm

Though Friday night was quite awful and involved lots of yelling on both our parts, I'm happy to say we've once again made up. While his slovenly (good vocab word!) ways are obviously the root of the issue, upon reflection I'm sure that my exhaustion and emotions played into our argument as well.

I've been really struggling lately with the third anniversary of my beloved grandfather's death (September 4) and the three month mark since our friend Al took his life. There have been constant memories of both circling my head, making me feel both sad at having lost them and blessed for having known them.

Here's a wonderful photo we recently found of my grandpa while he served in the Army (Korean War). It was taken sometime in the 1940's.

I just love it!

Anyway, with those sad "anniversaries" on my mind coupled with the fact that I'm still struggling with this wanting something more (house, baby, etc) feeling, I'm pretty sure that I provoked the fight.

In any event, Mark has been trying harder since then to clean up his act - he took out the garbage today and picked up some papers on the table. Yesterday (Sat) we went to Appleton because I desperately needed a light coat. All I have is my down winter jacket which is obviously too warm for these cool fall days. On the other hand I get tired of of wearing hoodies all the time, so a jacket was definately on the agenda.

I ended up getting a very nice, dual purpose coat at Gander Mountain because we still had a gift card from Christmas. I also got a nice Wisconsin hoodie and we picked up a gift for Mark's godson, Alex who has a birthday next week.

We grabbed supper at Chili's, which I had never been to but was surprised to learn I liked. I'm usually not one for trying new things. After, Mark suggested we see a movie as a sort of date night/making up from the night before activity. We bought tickets to see Death Race, but had an hour to kill so we played mini golf at Badger. I had a 48 and he had a 47...it's never that close! Usually Mark's score is in the 30's but he apparently had an off night.

Anyway, we saw the movie and enjoyed cuddle time in the dark theater. So often when we watch movies at home, he's in "his" chair and I lounge on the couch...it was nice to sit together.

This morning we worked together to boil up 5 dozen ears of sweet corn which we cooled and cut off the cob then put into freezer bags and plopped in the freezer. It will be very nice to enjoy sweet corn this winter! I love that Mark grew up in a large family with a mom who taught him the art of canning and freezing food...it comes in so handy. My mom never really had the need to do that because our family was small so we didn't buy in bulk.

We also went to our church's spaghetti supper tonight which was nice. Then we treated ourselves to Scoops ice cream and Mark is now rooted to the tv watching football, but it's ok because I'm putzing on the computer.

I just hope and pray that we find a house soon (which would hopefully alleviate some of my worries about our future) and that I am able to learn to better deal with my emotions. Mark suggested a counseling class because he sees that so often I am feeling down and he thinks I worry too much. He's right - every time I hear a siren I immediately think the worst and worry that someone we love has been hurt. I don't know if that's something other people struggle with or not...Mark doesn't seem to. For now, I'm going to work on things on my own but if it doesn't get better I might consider some type of therapy. I certainly don't want my issues to affect our marriage so I'd be willing to do whatever it takes.

Well, back to work tomorrow and I've got a busy week ahead so I'm not going to promise any posts until Wednesday at least. Sorry to leave you hanging.... (smile)

Grievances Against My Husband (Again)

Sorry for the lack of posts...I've kind of been in a funk again lately. I get like this every once in a while when the stress from work builds up and I start to notice (again) how Mark never (ever) helps out with anything (absolutely nothing!) around our apartment.

We seem to have this "talk" every month or so and he always "promises" he'll "try harder" but alas I find myself in the same situation time after time after time.

I'm no dummy...I know that other husbands help out around the house. I've seen it with my own two eyes: men taking out the garbage, husbands washing the cars, guys getting the mail/cleaning the garage/doing an occasional load of dishes or laundry. My own father does some of these things on a regular basis and he's a farmer with a very time consuming and demanding job!

My dear, sweet husband works at a car dealership and four out of the five work days he is home before I am. Still, nothing gets done. Dirty clothes and kleenex are heaped by his side of the bed, dishes are left to fester in the sink, garbage cans overflow, newspapers pile up beside "his" chair, water glasses collect on "his" end table, the car and garage remain dirty and cluttered and the mail sits, waiting patiently in our mailbox until I find the time in the wee morning hours to collect it.

Yesterday I spent several hours at my parents house catching up on our laundry. He sat at home watching the first NFL game of the season. I came home to find him sleeping in "his" chair with all sorts of Mark-sized messes left in his wake. I didn't fuss or yell or beat him senseless...I simply ushered him off to bed and cried myself (quietly) to sleep.

Sometimes (ok, quite often lately) I feel so helpless, like I should just give up. I mean, why bother if he's going to mess everything up and not even attempt to try.

This is very scary for me, because if I'm finding it difficult to keep up with the housework now I'm sure I will fall even further behind when we have kids. Wait...do I even want to bring children into this equation? Why can't he just find it in himself to help me out? I don't understand and I'm sick of hearing him say he'll change and then refusing to try.

Ugh. I'm so crabby and upset...I suppose I should take these feelings out on my dirty shower or sink full of dishes....

Sweltering

Ugh. Today is a sweltering day. This 90 degree weather is definately not indicative of fall...but the fact that football season is upon us means fall is here!

Tonight Mark's (eighth grade) team has their first real game against New Holstein. They had a scrimmage last week that I went to and I was really not impressed with the kids. Mark and Randy are coaching the same kids they had last year in seventh grade, so it should mean things are easier but the kids seem to have gotten snottier (not a word, I know) over the course of the school year and summer. They are really annoying!

Mark has already had to break up five or six fights and this one kid simply refuses to do any running because he doesn't "feel like it." Seriously...if they don't want to play then why are they out for the sport? Does it come down to the fact that the parent's are pushing their kids to be invovled in something they don't care to do? It's starting to seem that way to me.

Anyway after my council meeting tonight I'm going to head up to Morrissey Park to watch. I hope the kids do well because it breaks my heart to see my husband and his brother work so hard to teach them and have the kids act like they don't care. Do they realize that their coaches are volunteers? Some days they don't want to be there either, but they always show up! Argh. Enough of that.

We had a really busy weekend that I'd love to write about but I just can't muster the energy. I put in a lot of hours over the weekend and just finished up a 13 hour work day today. I'm beat.

Tomorrow I have a bunch more stuff to get done for work but I hope to run to Appleton later in the day to find a Walgreens that will print some copyrighted pictures. My grandma found these amazing pics of my grandpa when he served in the Army (Korean War) but stupid Wal-Mart won't let us print them even though the photos are nearly 50 years old and the studio that took them is no longer in business! They keep siting copyright laws. Fine, whatever. But when the studio doesn't exist and the pics are really old, why can't they make an exception?

Anyway all my dad wants for his birthday (on Friday) is to have these photos re-touched and enlarged so I'm on a mission to get it done! Wish me luck!