Mary and Kris arm-wrestling at a bar somewhere along the way. Randy served as judge.
Sandy getting ready to hand out poker chips.
The guys "getting ready" to grill the shish-kabobs we put together. Yum!
Mike and Kelly catching a nap after our seven hour rafting trip!
This is my nightstand. Mark sighs every time he looks at it. He just cannot fathom why I need so much lotion. The fact is I don't need it. I want it!
I love to have a variety to choose from and while I use lotion off an on throughout the day, my nightly routine includes lots of moisturizing! I use a non-scented lotion for sensitive skin after I wash my face, then I choose the "flavor" of the evening and lotion up my arms, legs, and feet.
Mark doesn't understand the need for lotion or why I want to make sure I smell nice before going to sleep. He also doesn't understand why I put on deodorant before bed time, even though I've explained my reasoning... I'm a girl!
Hmmm...good thing he hasn't seen my desk at work -I have four lotion "flavors" there- or the center console of our car where I've stashed two other bottles!
The last few days have been very "icky" for me. I'm so frustrated with things that are going on between me and Mark...I could scream! I don't know how to get through to him - he's changed so much in the last few months. Grrrrrrrr!
It all started with another argument about his lack of helping out around the apartment. The argument escalated when he informed me that he was going out with some friends after golf league last night. We've had a very busy week and have seen each other maybe a combined total of five awake hours since Sunday...and he CHOOSES to go out with his friends over spending time with me. Before he left, I asked if he could throw in a load of laundry because I wasn't feeling well and wanted to rest for a few minutes. He actually threw a tantrum! He started stomping his feet and slamming things around!
Mark put in the load, then left the apartment (slamming the door) without kissing me goodbye! That is only the second time in the nearly four years we've lived together that he's done that...it made me feel horrible! He came home after 10 p.m. last night, changed clothes and promptly passed out in bed. That made me even more angry because I really wanted to talk about things and he just pretended like everything was normal. It was ridiculous!
He kissed me goodbye this morning and I let him, because I'm a firm believer in making every "good-bye" count - it could be the last. But, when he called during a break at work I let him know I was still upset and really felt like we should talk about things tonight. He of course got all defensive, saying he had the right to be angry not me. He said I was being too controlling and demanding and it wasn't a big deal since (according to him) he hadn't gone out in a while. Funny I had to pick his drunk ass up last Saturday when he went out with his friends, leaving me home to be the good "wifey" and clean up his messes.
If I wasn't working, and stayed at home all day while he brought home the bacon - our situation would be different. Then I could see how he'd "expect" me to do the household chores and cooking etc. That's simply not the case. My job, in fact, is more demanding than his and I work odd hours, so I expect him to help out. When he doesn't (which is more often than not) I get upset and angry...I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. How can I keep things clean when he doesn't try?
All I'm asking is that instead of leaving his dirty breakfast dishes on the counter, he takes three extra steps to put them in the sink. Or, if the toilet paper roll is empty he grabs a new one. He could also put his dirty clothes into the hamper instead of on the floor, a mere foot away from the basket. He could also put his shoes in the closet when he gets home from work and hang his ties up instead of draping them over the couch. All I ask is that when he's done reading a magazine/newspaper etc. he put it into the recycling bin instead of piling them up next to his recliner until I get sick of looking at them and put them away. Every once in a while he could load/unload the dishwasher, wash/dry/fold the laundry, make the bed, pick up the pile of Kleenex next to his nightstand.... While he is physically capable of doing all those things, he won't. Why? Because he was spoiled by his mom, he's lazy and he expects me to do it.
For months, years even I've been making excuses for him, but I'm done. This is it. Something has to change or I'm outta here. I'm not going to be his second choice any longer. I'm not going to be his maid for even one more day. I've had it, I'm throwing in the towel.
If any of you dear readers know my husband and want to try to knock some sense into him, you're welcome to ... as long as you use a sturdy baseball bat. Phew. Feels good to vent.
Some of the kiddos ready for the Father's Day parade to start.
Miss Gwen enjoying a sucker.
Four of my favorite boys driving the convertible in the parade. (My husband, brother-in-law Randy, and nephews Trent and Alex)
Tyler sulking because we made him give some treats to the younger kids.
Julia enjoying "Blue Moon" ice cream at the park after the parade.
Trent with his sand creation. (That's paint on his face, don't be alarmed!)
We had a very busy and full weekend with lots of family fun, treats and of course sunburns. Mark brought home a Ford Mustang convertible (as he does every year) for the Father's Day parade, so we spent a lot of time this weekend bumming around with the top down. A lot of fun...but not so great for the skin and hair.
Saturday I had lots of pictures to take for our town's Summer Festival and then we had a graduation party for our nephew in the afternoon. Troy, who graduated from high school, was nice enough to allow his sisters Brianne and Steph crash his grad party as they recently graduated from college and tech college, respectively. It was nice to catch up with everyone and play with the kiddos on the trampoline and in the sandbox. Jade, Trent, Olivia and I built a "village" sand castle - I'll have to post pictures later.
Sunday was the parade and it was so nice to just sit with Mark's family, help the little ones catch candy and see the excitement in their eyes! Mark drove the convertible and his brother Randy and our nephews Trent and Alex joined him. This was the first year in probably eight years that I wasn't in the parade and could just sit and watch!
After, we all headed to a nearby park for a picnic and Scoops ice cream (ahhh the benefits of having a brother-in-law who owns an ice cream shop!) and let the kids burn off some energy on the playground. Of course, I got suckered into playing with the kids...I just can't say no! Later, we headed out to my mother and father-in-law's house. We all sat around and chatted some more and made plans for the annual Breckheimer Brother-Sister Family Outing, which is set for the last weekend in June. We're going white water rafting this year - a first for me! I'm very excited! We ate (again...lots of snacks and food this weekend!) then headed over to my parents to give mom a ride in the convertible while dad was finishing up milking.
After milking, we gave dad his gifts - some new hammers and a gift certificate to the Gobbler's Knob - and sat around talking for a while. There were lots of hints and questions from family this weekend - everyone wants to know when we're having kids! I always answer truthfully, "I don't know!"
Alright, well there's a quick update. Hopefully I'll get time later tonight to post pictures from the weekend. Tonight I'm going to our niece's softball game so there will pics from that later in the week. Ciao for now!
Clouds...
We're learning more details about our friend's death and his state of mind in the days before. (See Last Post) It still doesn't make sense. I'm not sure it ever will. Right now we're struggling to find a new sense of normalcy and do whatever we can to support his wife and their two young children.
I'm both looking forward to and dreading Saturday. I'm having such a hard time with this, all I can hope for is that seeing his face one last time will help me gain some closure so I can trudge through this grief to be of some use to his family. I want so desperately to be strong for the kids and for Nikki, but right now I feel like my presence will only make things worse.
My brother-in-law is also having a hard time dealing with all of this - he feels so guilty, like he should have known something was wrong and done something to change the outcome. He's so devastated to have lost one of his best friends - who was also his co-worker, car pool buddy and neighbor. He needs prayers for healing just as much as Al's immediate family does.
Sigh. I don't pretend to understand how this all works. I'm still trying to figure out God's plan. He must have needed Al, but doesn't he understand that we still needed him to? Maybe, His plan is for us to learn something from this tragedy. Hopefully we'll find out what that lesson is...I think it would really help us to make some sense of it all.
As we struggle with all of this we still have responsibilities, duties, goals in our own lives. It's weird to be planning for the future, going to work, buying groceries, etc. when our hearts are grieving...but we've got to continue living.
On to the Baby Talk...
Last night, Mark and I met with another builder. That's five so far. They've all got copies of our blue prints and our preferred materials, so they'll start sending out the plans for bids. We should start getting a few of the bids in later next week, so hopefully we'll be able to get some idea of where we stand financially. We'd both love to be able to build this year, but I'm just not sure it's possible. We both make enough money and we've been able to save, but my employer has some financial trouble and I'm not always being paid on time. The overall cost of the home and the prospect of looking at a mortgage with a very high payment, is pretty scary.
I also don't want our building a house, to hinder our plans to have children. I'd rather buy a fixer-upper and be able to have kids and build later than build now and have to put off having kids for a few years. Life is just too short and our parents both so desperately want to welcome a new grand-baby into their lives...I just can't see putting it off. Now that we've got a bunch of baby furniture to go with our stock pile of "hand me down" clothes, I'm yearning for a baby more than ever!
Lately, I've been obsessed with smelling diapers. Lol. I know, weird. I was invited to a baby shower a few months ago, but the weather was bad and the drive was pretty long so I didn't end up going. I sent a card and decided I'd just keep the gifts I'd bought - including some newborn swaddlers - because I'll surely need them some day. The diapers are sitting on top of a tub of baby clothes stacked near our computer. Every once in a while, I'll grab the package and take a whiff of the lovely "baby" smell. Mark looks at me like I'm nuts, but he agrees that they smell good - in the package, not necessarily on the baby.
A friend of mine began stocking up on diapers for several months before her baby was born. According to her logic, diapers are expensive and it was more practical to buy them little by little than incurr a big cost all at once. It's a good idea, but my mom reminded me that I was allergic to a certain brand of diapers when I was little and you never know. It would be awful to buy a ton of diapers of a given brand only to learn that your little one is very allergic and the diapers can't be used.
Lately, I've been reading a blog written by a cloth-diapering mom. The Cloth Diapers of today are nothing like those of yesteryear and it's something I'm definately considering. I'm very big on recycling and doing what I can to make sure I don't add to the growing piles of "stuff" in the landfill, this really seems like something that would be very do-able for us. It will take a little more convincing to get Mark on board, but I've already explained the process to my mom (who will be our main babysitter, I'm sure!) and she seems pretty excited about the idea and willing to try it. I'm going to do some more research and emailing with some moms who are "going cloth" before I make a final decision...I have some time!
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but Mark and I already have both a boy and girl's name picked out. We actually decided on them after we had only been dating about seven months. We laughed at the time, figuring we'd change our minds but almost four years later...they're still our top choice! We won't tell family or friend (or bloggers!) what the names are ahead of time because they are both family names (honoring a family member) and want it to be a surprise. However, since Al's death we're toying with incorporating some part of his name as a middle name for one of our future sons.
It's very important to us that we don't forget what a wonderful man he was, and we'll be very sure to tell our children that their "Uncle Al" loved them before they were even an idea! He'd always tell Mark that he couldn't wait till we had kids so he could spoil them and dote on them as much as we did/do his children.
Sigh. I miss him so much. Love and prayers....
*This picture doesn't have much to do with my post, but it's so cute I had to include it! This is my Marky as a toddler...just look at his blonde hair!
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