Hmmm

Though Friday night was quite awful and involved lots of yelling on both our parts, I'm happy to say we've once again made up. While his slovenly (good vocab word!) ways are obviously the root of the issue, upon reflection I'm sure that my exhaustion and emotions played into our argument as well.

I've been really struggling lately with the third anniversary of my beloved grandfather's death (September 4) and the three month mark since our friend Al took his life. There have been constant memories of both circling my head, making me feel both sad at having lost them and blessed for having known them.

Here's a wonderful photo we recently found of my grandpa while he served in the Army (Korean War). It was taken sometime in the 1940's.

I just love it!

Anyway, with those sad "anniversaries" on my mind coupled with the fact that I'm still struggling with this wanting something more (house, baby, etc) feeling, I'm pretty sure that I provoked the fight.

In any event, Mark has been trying harder since then to clean up his act - he took out the garbage today and picked up some papers on the table. Yesterday (Sat) we went to Appleton because I desperately needed a light coat. All I have is my down winter jacket which is obviously too warm for these cool fall days. On the other hand I get tired of of wearing hoodies all the time, so a jacket was definately on the agenda.

I ended up getting a very nice, dual purpose coat at Gander Mountain because we still had a gift card from Christmas. I also got a nice Wisconsin hoodie and we picked up a gift for Mark's godson, Alex who has a birthday next week.

We grabbed supper at Chili's, which I had never been to but was surprised to learn I liked. I'm usually not one for trying new things. After, Mark suggested we see a movie as a sort of date night/making up from the night before activity. We bought tickets to see Death Race, but had an hour to kill so we played mini golf at Badger. I had a 48 and he had a 47...it's never that close! Usually Mark's score is in the 30's but he apparently had an off night.

Anyway, we saw the movie and enjoyed cuddle time in the dark theater. So often when we watch movies at home, he's in "his" chair and I lounge on the couch...it was nice to sit together.

This morning we worked together to boil up 5 dozen ears of sweet corn which we cooled and cut off the cob then put into freezer bags and plopped in the freezer. It will be very nice to enjoy sweet corn this winter! I love that Mark grew up in a large family with a mom who taught him the art of canning and freezing food...it comes in so handy. My mom never really had the need to do that because our family was small so we didn't buy in bulk.

We also went to our church's spaghetti supper tonight which was nice. Then we treated ourselves to Scoops ice cream and Mark is now rooted to the tv watching football, but it's ok because I'm putzing on the computer.

I just hope and pray that we find a house soon (which would hopefully alleviate some of my worries about our future) and that I am able to learn to better deal with my emotions. Mark suggested a counseling class because he sees that so often I am feeling down and he thinks I worry too much. He's right - every time I hear a siren I immediately think the worst and worry that someone we love has been hurt. I don't know if that's something other people struggle with or not...Mark doesn't seem to. For now, I'm going to work on things on my own but if it doesn't get better I might consider some type of therapy. I certainly don't want my issues to affect our marriage so I'd be willing to do whatever it takes.

Well, back to work tomorrow and I've got a busy week ahead so I'm not going to promise any posts until Wednesday at least. Sorry to leave you hanging.... (smile)